BABY BLOOD: Like Mother, Like Spawn

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Right-wing media fucktards and so-called patriotic mutant mongoloids have more reason to hate the French than they ever knew. Alain Robak‘s Baby Blood is one mad fucking flick from the land of fine frommage and the writings of Jean-Paul Sartre. It’s gooey, depraved, sexually charged, and blackly comedic. I love it.

Dig this. A leopard is captured in Africa and sold to a French circus. Bianca (Emmanuelle Escourrou) is a lonely soul who works as an assistant to the animal tamer and is trapped in a sadomasochistic relationship with the circus’s douchebag owner (Christian Sinniger). One night the leopard is found exploded in its cage and whatever came out of it crawls its way into Bianca’s body (think Barbara Steele’s bathtub moment in Cronenberg’s Shivers) and takes up residence in her womb. Needing fresh blood to grow the creature browbeats his new mother into fleeing the circus and killing random men in order to feed her new found craving. The two of them travel across France taking lowly jobs as a waitress and a cabbie in order to remain incognito during their killing spree. Sooner or later Bianca’s “baby” is coming out. It’s just a question of when.

Hearing good things about this beautifully gruesome import I ordered a copy off Amazon and upon its arrival I popped it in my DVD player and was in for a pleasant surprise. The movie’s pretty bloody but it’s not wall-to-wall as its package art might suggest. Baby Blood strangely focuses on the burgeoning relationship between Bianca and the ancient being that depends on her for survival. Plus Escourrou is naked quite a lot. I mean we’re talking full front and back. Of course it’s all in good taste ’cause after all….it’s a foreign film. Europeans aren’t as prudish about nudity as we puritanical Americans are. France has nude beaches and our government holds hearings because Janet Jackson’s tit popped out during the Super Bowl. Viva la France!

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For most of Baby Blood‘s 87-minute running time it’s a two-character flick. Anybody who wanders into the story usually ends up as Bianca’s midnight snack, but not before some prime sexytime. There are also a lot of great show-off camera tricks. My favorite is when one of Bianca’s victims gets stabbed repeatedly and the camera takes the POV of the fucking knife! That’s crazy and it made me laugh my ass off. So I did a lot of laughing. But I felt a lot of sympathy towards Bianca and the lovely Escourrou bowled me over with her haunting portrayal of a woman forced into becoming something she’s not. After all she is a mother killing to keep her baby healthy and strong. Blood: it does a body good!

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I also felt a kinship towards Bianca’s….uh….baby. Even though it’s mostly portrayed by a offscreen voice and a occasional shifting in Mommy’s belly the beast about to spring forth from her aching loins comes across as flawed, scared, and desperate for a companion. It’s like it and Bianca were destined to be together. Their relationship gains much-needed plausibility as they often resemble an old married couple, endlessly bickering but ultimately unable to live without one another.

Anybody who thought Thelma & Louise was a man-hating flick (it wasn’t) has obviously never seen Baby Blood ’cause us dudes are not portrayed very well. Almost every single male Bianca encounters in her cross country feeding frenzy turn out to be sex-crazed morons or plain fucking assholes. At one point she hitches a ride from a friendly trucker who tells her the interesting story about how he got his license to drive trucks he could escape from his family of homosexuals. Then he dumps her at the nearest town and drives off with two willing babes. Bianca’s boss Lohan slaps her around and degrades her. The only halfway decent guy she meets is the squirrelly Richard (Jean-Francois Gallotte) but even he reveals himself to be a guy who fucks around without any concern for the feelings of the ones he hurts along the way. This is almost more frightening than the idea of having a monster growing inside your stomach because Bianca is prety much on her own throughout the film. The only one she can really count on is her “baby”.

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Special mention must go to the terrific FX work by Benoit Lestang and Jean-Marc Toussaint. There are more than a few times when Baby Blood earns its name. The plasma and gore is used sparingly but effectively, a little here and a fuckload there. Bianca goes wild and stabs a man to death resulting in a literal shower of that precious red stuff, and I’m not talking about Strawberry Kool-Aid. My favorite gore moment happens when our heroine finds an brutal yet interesting use for that fabled of car security tools….The Club! Remember the Club? Man I’m telling you ladies and germs you will never think of those cheesy infomercials the same way again once you watch that scene. I laughed for several minutes afterward. I am a sick bastard.

I could say that Baby Blood permanently put me off having kids of my own, but that happened a long time ago. Ah well, it’s still a great film.

Baby Blood est l’un des films les plus frais et les plus inquiétants pour sortir jamais de la France. Vous rirez, vous pleurerez, vous pouvez même lancer. Now if you’ll excuse me….”it’s time to feed the baby!”

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